Conscious uncoupling has been around since philosophy began. It may have been in a different form or language, but its concepts are the basis of many philosophies, with origins in stoicism, and many religions.
Living in a society in which over 50% of married couples separate, and many more choose to not consider marriage, the modern form of conscious uncoupling seems relevant. This philosophy was given its new name during the early 1970s, reaching into the minds of a new society managing an age-old condition: the duality of life. There is love and there is suffering. The central lesson to always remember is what we use the body for will become us.
The one constant in a world of duality is change; if we are alive then we are changing. Those who are walking the path beside us as friends, family and intimate life partners are those with whom we grow and transform. Each of us are both teacher and student at once. If we can see the gift everyone holds out for us with their behaviour, perhaps we would begin experiencing the peace we all desire. Every moment we choose to not judge others by their behaviour, we come closer to a state of mind in which our differences eventually disappear. This is the light that shows no opposite and has the vision to heal. We hold out this light, bringing peace of mind to others, as this peace of mind encourages others to be glad to be at peace with themselves.
Epictetus wrote in 135 AD, Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, and whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are, briefly, whatever are not our own actions. Wouldn’t it be best for us to all focus on our own actions? This one mandate can change the world. It does not mean we stay in an environment that is abusive, as we can remove ourselves when in danger, but we can seek to not judge others for their behaviour.
As often as possible throughout each day, I encourage all my clients to remind themselves to think of the phrase, ìI will receive what I am giving. This acknowledges that no-one can lose anything. We all gain by what we give; yet, we also receive any judgments we have towards others. Nothing justifies attack if we wish to enjoy living a peace-filled life. Heaven on Earth relies on this natural law.
Conscious uncoupling is relevant to every interaction we have. As has been said, ìIf what we have to say is not as beautiful as silence, say nothing at all.